Buying books calms me down these days. As if just owning titles and having them line up on my shelves, on the windowsill, under the bed, in every bag, will be enough. My problem isn’t real estate though, it is something more worrying.

I read an essay today by Joan Didion that felt vaguely familiar. I had read that anthology only a couple of weeks ago and had completely forgotten. Am I not reading mindfully enough? Am I devouring pages and clearing memory as I move on? 

I feel like I am driving too fast to take in anything. Where the landmarks are a blur and the impressions last only a short while. 

I listened to a Rushdie interview today and he recited poems and literary anecdotes effortlessly, I couldn’t even remember a quote. 

What is the point for reading if you can’t remember? What is the point of travelling if you can’t recall? What is the point of memory if it only fails you? 

No Entry

If the quickest way is through a one-way street, occasionally you give into temptation and ignore a no-entry sign. A cop stops you and you plead ignorance. You get mad, not at being caught, but because you knew better. 

Listen to your better judgement. Always listen to your better judgement. #notetoself 


Friendships are strange and unexpected.

Some will be intense and then lie dormant. Some will be giving. Some will be quiet and others chattering nonstop. Some will show you the mirror and a few will be a warm, safe hug. Some will push your horizons while others will ground you. Some friendships will be abandoned, some resuscitated. Some will be time wasted, some will teach you lessons. 

A few special friendships, and this is rare, will bring you home. 

Let go 

Yesterday I tweeted, “Tell me when to let go?”, and two friends responded saying “Now.” It wasn’t like they knew the context– maybe both did, yet they said, let go now. When do you know it is the right time to let go? Of people, relationships, burdens of the past, and most crucially, hope. 

I am standing here, in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of plans and no agency. I’m waiting for an email that could potentially change my life, just like I am waiting for a phone call that may do the same. There are no new emails and the phone isn’t ringing either.

I have always lived without patience and even less subtlety, and like a friend said, wearing my heart on my sleeve. This not knowing is driving me crazy. This waiting, keeping my fingers crossed isn’t helping calm a restless mind. Watching friends move on with their lives, get married, settle done, bring up babies, makes me feel irresponsible somehow.

As I check my mail for the millionth time, telling myself the odds aren’t favourable, I can’t shake off a sense of hope. All I want to know is when to give up, when to let go, just so that I can move on. 

Borders / Boundaries

We went to the border recently, my uncle and I. It was a quiet evening drive and I saw the sun set over “enemy” land. Shimmering barbed wire, a fence that stretched beyond the range of visibility, anti-tank bund constructions, all of them conflicting with the serenity of dusk and the reckless chirping birds who flew this way and that, unaware of the sacrosanct border.

Political borders may seem so futile, when we see the person on the other side is only human, just like us. If only it were that simple. If only we weren’t our differences but our similarities. If only trauma didn’t tear us apart but brought us close.

In everyday life, there aren’t many borders but several boundaries to negotiate. What are the lines to not cross, how far can you go without danger or damage? We only say parts of what we mean and warfare is most often guerilla. We think, and we act, rarely mindful of collateral damage. There aren’t any safe zones, nor any bunkers. Invasions are brutal, and they’re permanent.  Few people have the courage to speak their mind, and they do so with a rare sensitivity to both sentiment and consequence. S, your clarity has left me in awe.

Borders can be lit all night long, but boundaries are tougher to protect.


Happy to You, DM

She’s made several appearances here and you know by now: she’s a force to reckon with! We call her by many names but she remains energetic, loving, kind, generous-to-a-fault, brilliant, and much more. She’s impossible to surprise but is full of wonders; she’s someone we love, cherish and hope to impress. 

When she cooks, she nourishes your soul and delights your tastebuds, her sangria makes your spirit soar, her questions reach into your soul and her touch drives away pain. Your kids are the light of my life, travels with you are adventures, your home is my safe place, I look best in your clothes but most importantly, in your dedication I find inspiration. 

My darling DM, happy birthday. I’m proud and privileged to be your core family! 

Hang in There

Statistically most people will remain mediocre and only a few achieve greatness or become the curator of a big department at the Met. Of course, those that do get to the top have put in blood, sweat and tears, tons of time, immense focus to get to the top spot. Some, when struggling with an impending Farsi exam will wonder if it’s all too much, and be tempted to give up and shut shop. Over the last few years, I’ve realised to start off on a journey is easy, but to stay on the path, tough. To sustain an interest isn’t hard but to keep constant engagement and continuous process takes effort. Verbs get stickier, novelty wears off, and you have to plod through the unglamorous to get the point where you can read Rumi in the original, and the Shahnameh too! 

To lose weight in the beginning is far easier than keeping the weight off, and surviving the maintenance period. 

Some challenges aren’t exciting but one learns to be patient, to bid time, to work even when everything looks a little bleak and the promise of tomorrow is not the glorious sunrise you imagined but consistent afternoon sun. 

We have to hang in there, the madness of Kurla will give way at some point, and sooner or later you’ll reach Vashi. If you give up too soon, you’ll be stranded at Govandi and that doesn’t help anyone.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 41 other followers